Feeling a little...homesick

No, I am not in a foreign country yet. I'm still in Manila, in Ateneo, but not in ICA.

Forgive the nostalgic and sentimental content that this blog entry might will contain; I just can't help but feel "homesick". What with all these people around me saying how much they miss our class (Fidelity), our CAT group, and everything else ICA-related that they otherwise thought they had left behind for good...

I don't think there are words to describe how different it is in college now. Sure, I'm happy, I feel quite free and independent, and I've made a lot of new friends...but somehow, when I find myself staring blankly into space during a group conversation, I feel the loneliness, the sheer difference of the company I'm with. The separation anxiety, if you may. Maybe it's because I haven't quite settled into college just yet (I mean, what's two weeks compared to three or four years, right?). Maybe not.

I miss laughing like there's no tomorrow. I haven't laughed my signature "witch" laugh in college yet, because nobody has the same crazy sense of humor I do. I miss acting crazy and completely weird, without fear of judgement. I don't think I can do that with my blockmates yet; I'm afraid they'll think I really am nuts. I miss singing aloud to no one in particular. I miss hugging all my friends as if we haven't seen each other in a looong time. I miss hanging out in the Fidelity classroom or in the DM and doing nothing...nothing productive. I miss eating recess and lunch with my friends. I miss walking along the corridors and the HSCC feeling like you own it. I miss talking to our manongs and manangs and the ever-friendly guards. I miss the garden in Gate 5 that doesn't have much grass. Heck, I even miss the cats that love climbing up the garbage cans and scaring the living wits out of me when I come near.

I just miss everything. :( And I sincerely wish hope that if I give it time, Ateneo will grow on me too.